I loved this piece! I don't experience dentophobia BUT I did avoid going to the dentist for many years because of a lot of anxiety around the dentist. I'm going to share my experiences at the dentist but feel free to not read if it feels unpleasant/triggering to read about.
..................................
I remember the first time I went to a dentist who mentioned that I had a cavity and he was like "but don't worry, we'll just give you novocaine and you won't feel a thing." When he explained that he would be injecting a shot IN MY GUMS...I mentally thought "absolutely not" and then didn't go back from so many years. I've very sensitive to pain and the thought of a shot in my gums felt horrifying to me. Since moving back to the U.S. I've been lucky to have dentists who are caring, make time to pause when I need that and don't shame me for not having gone to the dentist for years.
I now go to the dentist regularly (and unfortunately have had to get a fair amount of cavities filled due to so many years of not going ) and it's not a pleasant experience but I do some of the following things to help me: 1.) I wear headphones/ear buds and listen to a playlist during the experience. My playlist is called "Dentist" and is all Taylor Swift songs-my comfort music. 2.) I share that I'm autistic and ask for them to explain things before they do them. 3.) I try to self soothe and regulate as much as possible before and then rest a lot to recover after. The first time I got novocaine this very sweet dentist assistant held my hand and celebrated me for doing it-which felt so kind. I also kind of just tell myself "this is sensory hell" and brainstorm ways I can make it a little bit easier.
Thanks for reading and for the comment (which I made it through in one piece!)
Someone else on here suggested headphones and stimming, too. But when I read the words 'injecting a shot in my gums' I feel like there's no music or stimming in the world that would stem the terror. Not even Taylor Swift!
You are very welcome! I will add that they put a numbing gel on the gums first which helps, it's still a bit painful and uncomfortable but a lot better than what I initially imagined!
I work at a dentist office and I want to 100% validate your feelings here. Of course I think we do as much as we can to help all of our patients with their fears and anxiety. And I think we do pretty well.
But there is no getting around some basic truths. You are in a prone, vulnerable position in the chair. Your mouth is open and foreign objects are being introduced to it.
The sounds ARE an issue. The drills are tiny objects spining at very high speeds. Physics dictates that this will produce a high-pitched whine that is penetrating and unpleasant at best. And of course, absolutely terrifying for many.
On top of this, I would say at least half our patients suffered real trauma with dentists in the past, often during childhood. That shit is real and it is not easy to process or move past.
So…. What can you do. Research online to find dentists with a reputation for kindness. Frankly, female dentists are generally better at this aspect of dentistry.
You might try a weighted blanket. We have one at the office and it really helps some patients.
Bring your stim, if you have one. We have squeezy balls, but some patients have something else.
Ask if you can have someone there to hold your hand. We’ve had partners in there for this. I’ve held the hand of many a patient while the doctor works. The right human connection can really help.
Wear earplugs or listen to your favorite calming music via noise-cancelling headphones.
Ask if you can have prescribed a single pill of Valium to take beforehand. Even for a cleaning. Or use your favorite herbal calming remedy. Do NOT try using alcohol for this though.
Wow, thanks for this, Stuart. Good advice. I'm pretty sure I would crush the bones of anyone unfortunate enough to be holding my hand during a dentist visit! A stimming device is an excellent idea, though. I think that, counter-intuitively, I would feel less secure with my headphones on, as not being able to hear what is happening may increase the feeling of having no control. Now, Valium? I've never tried it so I can't vouch for its efficacy.
Thanks for taking the trouble to leave that comment. I really did get the sense that the dental community take this seriously. Good to have it confirmed.
😫 the dentist terrifies me and I'm so glad you've posted that it's actually an autistic thing! Nobody seems to understand. Your descriptions of the office visit were a little too real. I could smell, see and hear everything you were describing and realized I was stimming HARD while reading it 🤣. As always thank you for the enlightenment!
I am not too fond of the dentist. I am one of the lucky people who they want to see every 3 months. I have noticed in the newer offices each chair is no longer enclosed, meaning there is additional noise. When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, I really wondered how the dentist's large hands were going to fit in my small mouth. The time it took for the numbing agent to kick in was absolute torture. For the love of God, turn on the radio! There was one dentist I liked who had an apparatus to put in your mouth during a filling. It helped keep your mouth open and dry. I loved that I didn't have to hold my mouth open. Unfortunately, he left. One of my "rules" is that I will only have one filling done at a time. My last experience was quite unpleasant, and it will be hard to go back.
The doctor I don't enjoy seeing is the ophthalmologist, who in my case is a cornea specialist. I needed a procedure and went to 4 different doctors and wasn't particularly impressed with any of them. In addition, I spent 4 years working in the Ophthalmology department at the medical school here. One of the new physicians asked me what I did to my eyes. I wanted to ask him why he didn't have any manners. I have a strong astigmatism (curvature of the cornea) and those dam eye doctors had an idea of the extent of my vision issues, but I had to beg for a larger computer screen. One ridiculous resident wanted to practice figuring out prescriptions on me. I unequivocally refused. He asked again and I complained to management.
For the procedure I had on my cornea, the doctor commented that I experienced more pain than the average patient. Well shouldn't you be prepared for the worst-case scenario? I reached up during the procedure - my instincts took over. Fortunately, she agreed to giving me a sedative when I had the procedure on my 2nd cornea. If you ever find an autistic ophthalmologist, please let me know. I would love to share the various experience I have had. Since I also have a lazy eye, I have a long history with ophthalmologist. I have seriously considered writing the American Board of Ophthalmology to share my experiences, but I doubt they really care. I happen to be on the "frequent flyer" program with them to. They want to see me every 6 months instead of once a year. I feel a rant starting so I am going to stop now. 👁️👁️
Sounds like there have been some nightmares at the ophthalmologist for you. Can't believe that someone wanted to practice figuring out prescriptions on you! Jeez. Thankfully, I have never had any need for eye visits other than the occasional sight test for glasses.
Wow I love everything about this! It's actually the first time I've even heard the word dentophobia, and the first time I’ve read an entire piece on how many of us feel about the dentist. This line: “...and on top of all this I have to make nice with my torturer” - omg, how true! When I was 8 or 9 I had one of these professional torturers cut me so bad inside my mouth that blood was just gushing out of it. So I know that's when it started. But even if that hadn't happened, I'd have developed a fear of the dentist anyway. For ALL the reasons you describe.
I have all three of your phobias too, but the dentist is number one, spiders are second.
I literally refuse cleanings unless they give me nitrous. They looked at me funny when I said several years ago, “No gas, no appointment.” And currently I haven’t been back in over a year because I just can’t make myself schedule it right now lol. Your words make me feel way less ridiculous about that so thank you ❤️
#1: Stitches. Not needles as I do fine with shots and tattoos, but the stitches or staples pulling out of my skin - yeah, no. #2: sharks. I've seen the ocean a few times but I'll never go in past my knees and even that is terrifying, but it's as far as I can face it. #3: people moving/losing/throwing out my stuff. Certain things hold value to me that others don't understand. Whether sentimental or tactile comfort, I feel panicked if I can't reasonably locate them. Even tho my stuff is a mess, it's when others get involved and I feel I have to defend why I have it or where.
Stitches, I get. Not a big fan. But I'm not a big fan of needles, either. I've only ever had one tattoo, and that was 36 years ago. As I recall, it was not the kind of pain I was expecting and I was okay.
Yeah, sharks is a big one. I love going in the ocean, but it's always in the back of the mind. Growing up in the late 70s (when everyone was watching and reading Jaws) didn't help.
I understand the fear of losing stuff or other people losing it for you. When I got back from university I discovered that my mum had thrown out all of my Star Wars figures. I was absolutely enraged. Probably had a meltdown. 😀
Oh my, I have a very different problem with dentists, depending on the product used for cleaning my teeth I can hate it or accept it (something close to Crest regular is ok). As a child someone else cleaning my teeth was fine, brushing my teeth myself UGH I hated it. So I was prone to cavities, initially it was just the old low speed pulley contraption that I was fine with then novacaine hit the market so, one series of shots, I still felt it, another series of shots, I still felt it, a third series of shots, I still felt it... Dentist decided to just go ahead as usual. Many many cavities later he never gave me any shots. At nine cracked part of an adult tooth off, he sent me to an orthodontist with a note to don't bother with novacaine. Got a cap on it at age 17.
Over the years since then, one dentist went off to his stash of cocaine giving himself some too, he came very close to drilling completely through the tooth plus was near enough to the root that the nerve died and the space was eventually filled. Too many short term dentists that insisted on giving me something for "pain". Usually eventually finding ones that would skip any pain medication, most liked it as they could spend more time filling cavities all around my mouth. Root canals, ok you can give me something for your peace of mind, I've actually fallen asleep. Oh yes, gotta remember to make a point of no latex.
Vertigo... at 15 had a serious concussion and after could not alpine ski (a sport that I loved). Just looking at a ski hill would set me off. At 30 a friend dragged me to a ski hill, skills came back, going down slopes was no problem, going on a trail across the top of a slope my stomach would churn but I could put up with that. Kids got into skiing and racing so I got dragged into supporting that and off to many different hills. Kids mostly on their own and took wife to some of my old stomping grounds. Wife wanted to go up the (Sears) Willis Tower in Chicago to their glass block "steps into space" while holding myself together for my wife to get past her fear my virtigo disappeared. On the way home stopped at Lake Placid and went up the big ski jump "Crap, I could have gotten into this if only..." Also watched the Russian freestyle team practice their jumps into a bubble pool. (I had also been involved with international freestyle events).
Moved on from sending kids speeding down the hill to helping to look after injured people and getting them off the hill and spending time helping people in over their heads get themselves safely down the hill or ski doo rides down the hill.
Spiders, I guess my grandmother's attitude of Spiders are your friends catching flies and mosquitos, just need to clean out the dusty webs now and then. That job plus evening fly swatting added up to a few treats, 5 cents for sweeping webs, 1 cent per 10 flies... then again chocolate bars were 5 cents...
I loved this piece! I don't experience dentophobia BUT I did avoid going to the dentist for many years because of a lot of anxiety around the dentist. I'm going to share my experiences at the dentist but feel free to not read if it feels unpleasant/triggering to read about.
..................................
I remember the first time I went to a dentist who mentioned that I had a cavity and he was like "but don't worry, we'll just give you novocaine and you won't feel a thing." When he explained that he would be injecting a shot IN MY GUMS...I mentally thought "absolutely not" and then didn't go back from so many years. I've very sensitive to pain and the thought of a shot in my gums felt horrifying to me. Since moving back to the U.S. I've been lucky to have dentists who are caring, make time to pause when I need that and don't shame me for not having gone to the dentist for years.
I now go to the dentist regularly (and unfortunately have had to get a fair amount of cavities filled due to so many years of not going ) and it's not a pleasant experience but I do some of the following things to help me: 1.) I wear headphones/ear buds and listen to a playlist during the experience. My playlist is called "Dentist" and is all Taylor Swift songs-my comfort music. 2.) I share that I'm autistic and ask for them to explain things before they do them. 3.) I try to self soothe and regulate as much as possible before and then rest a lot to recover after. The first time I got novocaine this very sweet dentist assistant held my hand and celebrated me for doing it-which felt so kind. I also kind of just tell myself "this is sensory hell" and brainstorm ways I can make it a little bit easier.
Thanks for reading and for the comment (which I made it through in one piece!)
Someone else on here suggested headphones and stimming, too. But when I read the words 'injecting a shot in my gums' I feel like there's no music or stimming in the world that would stem the terror. Not even Taylor Swift!
You are very welcome! I will add that they put a numbing gel on the gums first which helps, it's still a bit painful and uncomfortable but a lot better than what I initially imagined!
I work at a dentist office and I want to 100% validate your feelings here. Of course I think we do as much as we can to help all of our patients with their fears and anxiety. And I think we do pretty well.
But there is no getting around some basic truths. You are in a prone, vulnerable position in the chair. Your mouth is open and foreign objects are being introduced to it.
The sounds ARE an issue. The drills are tiny objects spining at very high speeds. Physics dictates that this will produce a high-pitched whine that is penetrating and unpleasant at best. And of course, absolutely terrifying for many.
On top of this, I would say at least half our patients suffered real trauma with dentists in the past, often during childhood. That shit is real and it is not easy to process or move past.
So…. What can you do. Research online to find dentists with a reputation for kindness. Frankly, female dentists are generally better at this aspect of dentistry.
You might try a weighted blanket. We have one at the office and it really helps some patients.
Bring your stim, if you have one. We have squeezy balls, but some patients have something else.
Ask if you can have someone there to hold your hand. We’ve had partners in there for this. I’ve held the hand of many a patient while the doctor works. The right human connection can really help.
Wear earplugs or listen to your favorite calming music via noise-cancelling headphones.
Ask if you can have prescribed a single pill of Valium to take beforehand. Even for a cleaning. Or use your favorite herbal calming remedy. Do NOT try using alcohol for this though.
Wow, thanks for this, Stuart. Good advice. I'm pretty sure I would crush the bones of anyone unfortunate enough to be holding my hand during a dentist visit! A stimming device is an excellent idea, though. I think that, counter-intuitively, I would feel less secure with my headphones on, as not being able to hear what is happening may increase the feeling of having no control. Now, Valium? I've never tried it so I can't vouch for its efficacy.
Thanks for taking the trouble to leave that comment. I really did get the sense that the dental community take this seriously. Good to have it confirmed.
😫 the dentist terrifies me and I'm so glad you've posted that it's actually an autistic thing! Nobody seems to understand. Your descriptions of the office visit were a little too real. I could smell, see and hear everything you were describing and realized I was stimming HARD while reading it 🤣. As always thank you for the enlightenment!
You're welcome. Sorry about the free nightmare with your purchase. 😀
I am not too fond of the dentist. I am one of the lucky people who they want to see every 3 months. I have noticed in the newer offices each chair is no longer enclosed, meaning there is additional noise. When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, I really wondered how the dentist's large hands were going to fit in my small mouth. The time it took for the numbing agent to kick in was absolute torture. For the love of God, turn on the radio! There was one dentist I liked who had an apparatus to put in your mouth during a filling. It helped keep your mouth open and dry. I loved that I didn't have to hold my mouth open. Unfortunately, he left. One of my "rules" is that I will only have one filling done at a time. My last experience was quite unpleasant, and it will be hard to go back.
The doctor I don't enjoy seeing is the ophthalmologist, who in my case is a cornea specialist. I needed a procedure and went to 4 different doctors and wasn't particularly impressed with any of them. In addition, I spent 4 years working in the Ophthalmology department at the medical school here. One of the new physicians asked me what I did to my eyes. I wanted to ask him why he didn't have any manners. I have a strong astigmatism (curvature of the cornea) and those dam eye doctors had an idea of the extent of my vision issues, but I had to beg for a larger computer screen. One ridiculous resident wanted to practice figuring out prescriptions on me. I unequivocally refused. He asked again and I complained to management.
For the procedure I had on my cornea, the doctor commented that I experienced more pain than the average patient. Well shouldn't you be prepared for the worst-case scenario? I reached up during the procedure - my instincts took over. Fortunately, she agreed to giving me a sedative when I had the procedure on my 2nd cornea. If you ever find an autistic ophthalmologist, please let me know. I would love to share the various experience I have had. Since I also have a lazy eye, I have a long history with ophthalmologist. I have seriously considered writing the American Board of Ophthalmology to share my experiences, but I doubt they really care. I happen to be on the "frequent flyer" program with them to. They want to see me every 6 months instead of once a year. I feel a rant starting so I am going to stop now. 👁️👁️
Sounds like there have been some nightmares at the ophthalmologist for you. Can't believe that someone wanted to practice figuring out prescriptions on you! Jeez. Thankfully, I have never had any need for eye visits other than the occasional sight test for glasses.
That resident had a very healthy ego, but I would never let him touch me.
Wow I love everything about this! It's actually the first time I've even heard the word dentophobia, and the first time I’ve read an entire piece on how many of us feel about the dentist. This line: “...and on top of all this I have to make nice with my torturer” - omg, how true! When I was 8 or 9 I had one of these professional torturers cut me so bad inside my mouth that blood was just gushing out of it. So I know that's when it started. But even if that hadn't happened, I'd have developed a fear of the dentist anyway. For ALL the reasons you describe.
I have all three of your phobias too, but the dentist is number one, spiders are second.
I literally refuse cleanings unless they give me nitrous. They looked at me funny when I said several years ago, “No gas, no appointment.” And currently I haven’t been back in over a year because I just can’t make myself schedule it right now lol. Your words make me feel way less ridiculous about that so thank you ❤️
Trust me, you are not alone. I'm considering a cleaning later this year and I'm already anxious. I haven't even booked it yet!
Thanks for reading. 🙏
#1: Stitches. Not needles as I do fine with shots and tattoos, but the stitches or staples pulling out of my skin - yeah, no. #2: sharks. I've seen the ocean a few times but I'll never go in past my knees and even that is terrifying, but it's as far as I can face it. #3: people moving/losing/throwing out my stuff. Certain things hold value to me that others don't understand. Whether sentimental or tactile comfort, I feel panicked if I can't reasonably locate them. Even tho my stuff is a mess, it's when others get involved and I feel I have to defend why I have it or where.
Stitches, I get. Not a big fan. But I'm not a big fan of needles, either. I've only ever had one tattoo, and that was 36 years ago. As I recall, it was not the kind of pain I was expecting and I was okay.
Yeah, sharks is a big one. I love going in the ocean, but it's always in the back of the mind. Growing up in the late 70s (when everyone was watching and reading Jaws) didn't help.
I understand the fear of losing stuff or other people losing it for you. When I got back from university I discovered that my mum had thrown out all of my Star Wars figures. I was absolutely enraged. Probably had a meltdown. 😀
Thanks for sharing!
Drowning, which doesn’t equal fear of water in me. Really, it’s a fear of not being able to breathe.
That's a fairly rational fear, as they go. 🙂
Oh my, I have a very different problem with dentists, depending on the product used for cleaning my teeth I can hate it or accept it (something close to Crest regular is ok). As a child someone else cleaning my teeth was fine, brushing my teeth myself UGH I hated it. So I was prone to cavities, initially it was just the old low speed pulley contraption that I was fine with then novacaine hit the market so, one series of shots, I still felt it, another series of shots, I still felt it, a third series of shots, I still felt it... Dentist decided to just go ahead as usual. Many many cavities later he never gave me any shots. At nine cracked part of an adult tooth off, he sent me to an orthodontist with a note to don't bother with novacaine. Got a cap on it at age 17.
Over the years since then, one dentist went off to his stash of cocaine giving himself some too, he came very close to drilling completely through the tooth plus was near enough to the root that the nerve died and the space was eventually filled. Too many short term dentists that insisted on giving me something for "pain". Usually eventually finding ones that would skip any pain medication, most liked it as they could spend more time filling cavities all around my mouth. Root canals, ok you can give me something for your peace of mind, I've actually fallen asleep. Oh yes, gotta remember to make a point of no latex.
Vertigo... at 15 had a serious concussion and after could not alpine ski (a sport that I loved). Just looking at a ski hill would set me off. At 30 a friend dragged me to a ski hill, skills came back, going down slopes was no problem, going on a trail across the top of a slope my stomach would churn but I could put up with that. Kids got into skiing and racing so I got dragged into supporting that and off to many different hills. Kids mostly on their own and took wife to some of my old stomping grounds. Wife wanted to go up the (Sears) Willis Tower in Chicago to their glass block "steps into space" while holding myself together for my wife to get past her fear my virtigo disappeared. On the way home stopped at Lake Placid and went up the big ski jump "Crap, I could have gotten into this if only..." Also watched the Russian freestyle team practice their jumps into a bubble pool. (I had also been involved with international freestyle events).
Moved on from sending kids speeding down the hill to helping to look after injured people and getting them off the hill and spending time helping people in over their heads get themselves safely down the hill or ski doo rides down the hill.
Spiders, I guess my grandmother's attitude of Spiders are your friends catching flies and mosquitos, just need to clean out the dusty webs now and then. That job plus evening fly swatting added up to a few treats, 5 cents for sweeping webs, 1 cent per 10 flies... then again chocolate bars were 5 cents...